Love Letters
by Ovo
Summary: LoM. The biggest challenge in being a world's Champion isn't the Evil. It's the fanmail. Beware of disturbing... well... everything. Bevare!


**_Love Letters_**

It's days like these when I pity that poor pelican. But then again, she only has to carry the mail; I'm the one it's addressed to and therefore I'm the one who actually has to spend hours going through it.

At least I feel loved.

I guess it's time to settle in for the long haul. I can probably get most of it replied to by morning, catch a nap and be out and about by the early afternoon. Mindful of the tedium of hours and hours of writing shadowing the pleasure in my friends' words, I think I'll retreat to bed to cover these. It's far more comfortable there.

…

First letter. Postmarked out of Geo, Dryad Day, a week ago.

Niccolo. Ah huh… lucre, art, smiles… uh… I, um, no… I'll just… have to think on this one a while.

…

Okay… next. Lessee… Postmarked out of Etansel, Undine Day, Dudbear Overnight Express.

Etansel…? What the he…

Oh, it's from _Elazul_… Okay, Okay… That makes sense, I guess.

Pearl, Blackpearl, Alex… Clarius, Lucidia, etc… Huh. Poor kid, sounds like he's having a tough ti… Oh dear Goddess. … Jeez, you cry at someone's genocide and suddenly he thinks you're joined for life.

I'll deal with this one later.

…

Unmarked. That's odd, I wonder…

Bud. … Ick. I need to get that kid back to school, where he can develop natural attractions to people his own age.

Moving on.

…

Lumina, few days old….

Gilbert. Whence did Gilbert get my address?

…Ugh! 'Baby' yourself, Hooves.

Maybe I should just file a change of address. I hear the Grottoes are nice this time of year….

…

Etansel, again. But almost two weeks old…

… Please don't be Elazul, I don't think I could stand a second dose of that… that…

Pearl. Phew. And I was worried about _what_?

… Eek. Sorry, sweet-pea, but no. Just no.

…

White Forest. Oooh, it's from Sierra.

… She wants to… _what_? Girl, we've got a perfectly good friendship going, I'm not about to get involved in… that.

I'd better ask Larc about this, I'm sure he'll know what to do.

…

Oh, speak of the devil…

… Damn. There goes that idea. Down boy, _bad doggy_!

…

The Grottoes. Salamando Day. Ah, must be Daena.

… Oooki. The pile.

…

…

There's got to be _something_ in this pile that's not a proposition. I mean, come on….

Okay, let me see…

…

Geo. A full month old, Undine day.

Sotherbee. Oh no, _not him too!_

"Thank you for your contribution to the Gallery. We've displayed your statue in our main hall, and hope you come and visit us someday."

… Oh … That's not so bad.

…

Lumina. Recent.

"…Dubababa Dubba Dubba Dub."

Gak. In the pile you go.

…

Polpota post…. Ah, Elle.

Hmm.… Next please.

…

Domina. Oh, this one is from today.

Duelle. Adventure, hoping for…

I will never think of onions in the same way again.

…

From the desk of Inspector Boyd. Why, Hello Inspector, how nice of you to drop me a not…

… Ah, Well, I'll get back to you… just after everyone else.

…

Junkyard Hills… Pavlov.

I don't even need to open this one for it to go to the pile.

…

Gato, again… Also Salamando….

Oh. Escad.

… Whoa …

So _that's_ how all his energy is spent when it's not going to fighting the fae.

… I'll… um… get back to him later.

…

Professor Bomb, huh?

Golems, Pavlov, Louie… "Let me blow your…."

… Now that's just plain _wrong_.

…

Huh. Etansel. Again?

Lady Blackpearl. Thank the Goddess, she'll have some sanity to share, I'm sure.

… Yikes. Uhm… yeah, okay… a _little_ over the top, thank you.

…

Dare I even bother continuing? There's still a ton left and if it all goes on like this. I mean, who knew I was carrying on with some kind of invisible aphrodisiac glued to my forehead?

… I suppose one more couldn't hurt.

… Oh Holy Mana! That's just… Okay, I'm leaving. Lessee, the Norn Peaks are nice… nice and secluded.

"Lil' Cactus, We're going on vacation. Pack your pot – I've no time to lose."

"Vacation!"

**_The End (?)_**

**_

* * *

_**

**Working Title**: _Letters_

**Inspiration**: Contemplating the need for romance vs. the need for gen in the fandom world.

**Noteworthy**: I enjoyed writing this a little too much. I loved the sheer _silly _of it.

**Disambiguation**: First person, stream of consciousness... but I think that's pretty evident. Can be read from the Hero or the Heroine's PoV, as you please.

_Derivative work of material © Squaresoft, Square Enix. Reformatted to abide by 'site standards. None of the original text has been modified, 'cept in case of typo._


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